Monday, April 15, 2013


Going through school it's expected that you decide what you want to "be" when you grow up. It's understood that this isn't set in stone, as a teenager you're not really equipped to choose what you want to do for the rest of your life, but you do have to choose your GCSE options, then your A-levels, and then where to go next - each of these must be done with a goal in mind, and each choice that you make will narrow the field that you can eventually end up in.

I currently find myself once again faced with a junction where I really ought to to choose a path that heads towards something. Having made the decision that I want to be a doctor, but then getting only rejections from the medical schools I applied to (not to mention several members of my family trying to push me in another, unspecified, direction because they don't think medicine for me) has left me back at square one. 

Having been struggling with a few other "issues" of late (those things that I'm still not going to talk about!) I have been trying to avoid thinking about it, my default response is I don't want to do anything...but that isn't an option! I have done a bit of thinking, and came up with 4 viable seeming options - one of these is to apply for medicine again. I put in a lot of thought when applying a few months ago and really had to persuade myself that it was what I wanted to do, getting only rejections leads me to thinking "well am I really the right person for it?", and at the moment I don't know. 

The other options I've come up with also go down the "career for life" approach. But whilst pondering what to do this morning, I came up with the question:

"Do I have to *be* anything?"

It's perfectly plausible to have a job as opposed to a career, earn enough money to support myself and have some fun along the way...

It seems almost appealing, probably because it's the "easy" option (although finding a way of getting enough money to support myself perhaps isn't that easy at the moment), but then I don't think that's really a long term solution for me.

 It goes round in circles doesn't it? This is why I've been avoiding it!

*Hides in corner playing with Lego* 

Tuesday, April 2, 2013


*raises head above the blogosphere parapet*

I rode my bike today.

That's 3 times in 3 weeks.

Today was the longest one of those 3.

With the most climbing in it.

22 miles. 1191 feet of climbing. 1 hour 40 riding time. (Yes I know that's not particularly quick!)

My excuse shall be the permanent head/cross wind!

It was great to get out and ride in some sunshine, but it has proven to me that I still have a long way to go, and yet I am really lacking motivation to do physio exercises at the moment (there's a long list of things I'm lacking motivation for actually!), I know I need to do them, and I kind of know they're helping but I just can't bring myself to do them as much as I should. 

There's lots of other things I'd really like to write about, but as I'm not (yet) shouting about "the thing" I can't so I shall sit here and quietly mumble to myself instead. It seems to be growing inside me (and again, no I'm not pregnant or dying!), so I suspect it's only a matter of time before it gets "announced", but I'm not at the stage where I want everyone to know yet!