31/7/12

I want to write a post about what a bad day I've had today.  But nothing particularly bad has happened so I'm not entirely sure what's going on.

By mid-afternoon I was feeling a bit like I'd lost the plot, coffee and cake left me singing along to myself, not to mention talking to the kettle.

The last couple of hours proved more difficult, what should have been a simple task took me entirely too long (there were a couple of interruptions, but not as many as to slow it down that much!), the simple matter of putting the right sticker on the right pair of gloves.

Got home late.  Walked dog (only took 1, the other one's alright cos he's been in the garden and he doesn't need so much exercise).  Got home and sat in the garden trying to cuddle dogs.  Feel a bit guilty because the pair of them are craving attention at the moment, poor things are used to more people at home!  It rained and I couldn't bring myself to get up.

Finally managed to get inside and feed the dogs before promptly collapsing on the sofa.  Got a tad tearful which is really quite pathetic.  But my arm hurts, and so does my brain.  Have since gone to the extravagance of making toast so feeling *slightly* better now.  Realised just how much I'm missing someone.  Not family, I'm used to not seeing them thanks to uni, but there's someone who I know would have happily come and sat by my side this evening and looked after me, but alas...I made a choice so I have to deal with the consequences! 

Plans for the rest of the evening involve a bath if I can make it up the stairs, some more dog cuddling and them copious painkillers before I go to bed!

Sorry I'll stop aimlessly whinging now.  Well not quite yet, I have an uninteresting anecdote to tell first!  Whilst walking the dog I bumped into one of my primary school teachers, and mother of someone I was at school with (they live in the village), was a tad awkward 'cos I haven't spoken to them for a long time, but my broken brain-ness made sustaining a conversation very difficult.  I just couldn't process words fast enough!

Told you it was uninteresting.  Here's a picture of a dog.

30/7/12

So that's it then.  Parents and brother were dropped off this morning so now I'm fending for myself!

Getting the dogs fed and walked after a long day at work proved challenging.  So nice to be finally sitting down with a cup of tea.  Especially after the torrential down pour I got caught in earlier.

Think the dogs are just starting to realise something odd is going on.  Dobby has "abandonment issues" so I expect he''ll want some extra cuddling later.  Fine with me though! :)

Nothing much else to report at the moment.  'Cept that I spoke to the hospital this morning (to tell them about GP change) and discovered I'm on the "urgent list" for surgery.  That was reassuring or all of 3 seconds, then she said that means I'll probably be seen sometime in September...  very glad I'm not a "non-urgent" case then!

29/7/12

Really can't wait until I get a letter with a surgery date.  Either my pain threshold is lowering or I'm feeling the effects of over doing it.  Either way it hurts.  Just wish there was something I could do about it :-(

Parents and brother going on holiday from tomorrow so I get 10 days of peace and quiet.  Well I say peace and quiet.  A fair few extra days at work for me.  And I have the 2 dogs to look after.  Not to mention 2 sets of worrying grand parents within a 10 mile radius! 

Part of me wishes I was going with them, I feel (and have felt for the last few weeks!) like a holiday would go down pretty well.  But, at the same time I suspect I'd end up being grumpy (I did last year although that wasn't my fault really...going on holiday a couple of days after surgery was a bad plan!) and I think I might have some fun home on my own with the dogs anyway :-)

I wonder how much ice cream I can eat in 10 days...

In other news.  Looks a bit stormy out.

28/7/12

Nothing to write and not much to photograph either.  Sorry.

27/7/12

So I rode my bike the other day and it was OK, my arm was sore afterwards but I really enjoyed the ride so it was worth it.  Perhaps against my better judgement I decided to go out again today, having been grumbly yesterday I thought it might help! 

I had a similar route planned to before, just a couple of variations to keep it interesting.  The first couple of miles were difficult, but they were the other day too so I wasn't too bothered, I then (as with t'other day) turned off onto the "road to no where", really.  It seems to go on and on, and runs parallel to a dual carriageway for a big chunk.  Arm was starting to give me grief down here so I turned off rather than continuing on the planned route, it did nothing but get worse over the next couple of miles so I decided to go for the most direct route home I could find.  Well almost - saw this road which looked to be pointing in the direction of where I wanted to go (and thankfully it was), and pedaled my way along!

There was entirely too much under-the-breath cursing going on so I decided to push on hard, get my legs working hard in an attempt to distract myself from my arm!  This means most of this road was done at over 20 mph, and quite a chunk at almost 30 (I had a car behind me so thought I'd speed up some more!) .

This new found speed meant it wasn't too long 'til I made it home.  A nice cool refreshing glass of recovering drink and various drugs later and here I am.

Moral of the story?  Riding bikes is fun but it's stupid to do too much too soon!

May reacquaint myself with the garden and a book now.  When I've sorted my room out anyway.

2012 cycling: 127.81 miles

26/7/12

I've said it before but what a difference a day makes!

You'll be pleased to hear I'm not going to ramble on and on, all that needs to be said is that seen as I "broke" myself yesterday I couldn't ride my bike today (after 5 days in a row, with yesterday's ride being awesome!) and after a morning volunteering (finished my 6-8 weeks work in 1 and a half!) and an afternoon with the grandfolks round I think I have some grumpiness to sleep off!

The dog's happy though.

25/7/12

Bike themed post tonight, many milestones!

First off - this is my best 12x100 month so far, have just gone past 50 miles this month!!  And in doing so have gone past 100 in total for the year.

To do this I went out for a proper ride.  16.6 miles in just over an hour.  So chuffed.  Legs didn't even grumble!

http://app.strava.com/rides/14517169

And what a perfect evening for it too.

Arm did alright on the ride although is pretty sore now so suspect I have over done it a tad.  Worth every minute though!  Was a really lovely ride, a great way to chill after a few reasonably stressful days, much needed with some more to come too!  Lots of other people out on bikes too which is always good to see! 

2012 cycling: 114.42 miles

That's enough from me tonight anyway!

24/7/12

Yousaywhatnow?

Think the warmth has got to my brain and I'm going a little bit mad...

Short way to work and back on the bike, did get a good time on the "sprint" this morning though....
http://app.strava.com/segments/1561449

Died a bit on the way home though.  4 days of sunny school holidays work has broken me a little bit.  And my arm hurts *grumble grumble*.

I'm going to stop talking now because words are making an entirely too small amount of sense in my brain at the moment (think that sentence is evidence of that!)

Oh yeah, new t-shirts arrived in the post!

2012 Cycling: 97.82 miles

23/7/12

Think I'd be enjoying the sunny weather more if I wasn't at work.  And it wasn't the start of the school holidays.

View from the shop this morning...

Can't complain really.

1 more day then I'm done at work 'til the weekend.  Well I say done, I'm being a taxi on Wednesday and am down at the hospital carrying on with data entry on Thursday and maybe Friday too, but hey, who needs time off?

I do!

2012 Cycling: 94.42 miles

22/7/12

Can't say as I thought I was flying today but set times I was really happy with on the main Strava segments into and away from work today - reasonably competitive times, even compared with some of the blokes!

I'm feeling a bit sore, tired and grumpy after a busy weekend at the shop, despite the sunshine doing its best to raise my spirits!  Sure I'll be 'reet by the morning though, another good day is promised weather wise although hopefully I'll be doing some computering tomorrow!

My good friends Ben and Jerry have gone some way to helping me anyway!

2012 cycling: 89.66 miles

21/7/12

1 day out of 4 in a row at work done (yes, I know, I know most people do 5 in a row every week!).  Nothing particularly comes to mind to blog about so here's a picture of my bike from a not quite usual angle: 

Making the most of the weather and riding to work (hope to do the same for the next 3 days although can't guarantee it!).

Someone "good" has joined strava and is stealing my QOMs so I'm going to have to start trying even harder!

2012 Cycling: 86.36 miles

20/7/12

*dons comical Yorkshire accent*, it's been a funny sort of day...  (only a select few people will get that reference!)

Given that yesterday ended on a rather stressful note, and this morning I was waking up with the results of a decision that I'd made (yes, shock horror, I did deciding) I was unsure what to expect from today, but I had a nice meal out with my brother and grandparents.  Came home and cooked dinner (ready for heating up at the appropriate time) and made some cakes for work.

Once all that was done, well while the cakes were cooking really, I had a belated surgery panic.  Having now found out a bit more about what my planned surgery involves, and knowing that there's a significant chance of it making no positive difference I was almost having second thoughts...  Given that I don't even have a date yet I suspect there will be much pondering, but unless things start to get better on their own I'll be in receipt of plentiful reminders from my arm that I need to try something!  That said, currently testing out kinesiology tape.  Have some left over from when the physiotherapist was convinced my pain was due to my hand pointing in the wrong direction so thought I may as well test it, if it helps that's great, and if it doesn't there's nothing lost!

Have also got going again with my attempts at learning anatomy today, well not necessarily learning, but I think it would be good to be familiar with stuff so that I'll have seen it before I get officially taught it.  If I get into med school that is!

Having done the basics of the limbs (just the bones 'cos everything else looks too complicated at the moment!) I've moved on to the head...

Definitely not going to remember all that, but it's almost fun to do and it's something else which probably won't do any harm!

19/7/12

Having had another day this week ending in more stress than I'd like I decided to go for a run.  Was my fastest run of this route so far, by over 2 minutes, and Strava says I ran my fastest kilometre and fastest 2 miles ever!  

26 minutes 46 seconds for 2.7 miles.  I've no idea what a "good" time would be for that, but I know there's room for improvement.  Still, felt good (although nearly killed me!)

2012 running: 32.0 km (sorry for switching between km and miles!)

Today's picture is one of the lakes at Abington Park.  It's an awful picture - sorry!  If I'd had my camera I'd have zoomed on all the baby ducks, or the bird which may have been a smew but I'm not sure!

18/7/12

Today got off to a very productive start, before half 9 not only had I vacuumed my room (gerbil cleaning out yesterday meant muchos wood shavings everywhere!), I'd written (yes, by hand) a letter and posted it!  It was a letter of thanks to someone who I don't really have any other way of getting in touch with.  

Unfortunately that was where the productivity stopped really, I did manage to finish a book (which I only started a couple of days ago), make a few adjustments to my bike to try and get the position right along with being a taxi for a little while but I spent much of the day on the sofa watching today's stage of the Tour de France.

The rest of the time was spent almost watching a game of tennis going on between the two sides of my brain.  This is something that's becoming an increasing feature, usually over small and unimportant things (occasionally more important things!), but there are recurring themes and it's getting annoying now.  Comes down to what I was talking about yesterday - I need a focus so my thoughts don't have time to wander to these things!

A positive distraction will be provided for a little while this evening though 'cos we're having a spontaneous trip out so going to see my little nephew and 2 nieces! 

17/7/12

Despite muchos messing up by HR, meaning that I couldn't log onto computers in the hospital or officially access the data I needed today was my first day of volunteering doing data entry for the National Paediatric Diabetes Audit.  There certainly isn't a lot to be fun had doing data entry, but it was still quite interesting (for today at least) as there's a certain amount of looking through records involved to get the required information, this means I can get a brief look at the care path and progress of various children from diagnosis to present day.  Suspect there's only so many times that that might be interesting to look at but I'm apparently ahead of schedule (and it's only my first day doing it!), so shouldn't take as long as expected to get all the data compiled.

I also spoke to the lead in the audit department who is trying to get me a copy of the report produced after the audit I previously helped with, it would appear that some good has come from it so I'm really looking forward to seeing the details!

My view walking in to the hospital this morning...

Despite starting on something relatively positive I'm afraid the rest of this post may turn into a bit of a whinge (I'm not entirely sure where this is going yet!), so feel free to skip the rest!

The whole "finished university" thing is starting to kick in now I think, I know I'm going back again in just over a year (well if I get in anyway), but this is the first time since being a toddler that I've not been in education and I'm not sure I like it!

Finding a "proper" job is proving difficult, although expected this is frustrating.  I'm sure I could apply to more things, but it's difficult because I need something that I can do for a year and then easily leave, but ideally close enough to where I live that I can stay living with my parents (to save money!), and with my arm surgery pending (*grumble grumble sore arm* *grumble grumble no date for surgery yet*) I'm a bit reluctant about applying for certain things because should I get a job I don't want to mess my potential employers about with time off and inability to work early on!

Seen as I've finished uni I don't really have a short term focus to keep me occupied, my application for med school is almost finished (and the deadline for that isn't until mid-October!).  Cycling would previously have filled the hole, and although trying hard to get some good times over short distances (<5 miles) is hard work it's not enough.  Nor is vaguely trying to teach myself anatomy.  So if anyone has any suggestions of things to keep me going I'd greatly appreciate it!

Currently just about managing by reading vast amounts (definitely a need to keep my brain active, or at least distracted from "self-destruct mode"!), the pile of books which had been building up is now being chipped away at, but I fear there is little to "gain" from this, apart from maybe a blurring of the line between reality and fiction!

I did warn you that it might get a "little" whingey.  Back to the slightly more positives, today's ride was awfully slow on the hill on the way back but I did set a fastest time on the way out, getting a 20 mph+ average for the 1.3 miles of by pass...still need to get it faster though!

2012 cycling: 82.36 miles

16/7/12

I'm not normally too objectionable to Mondays.  Today has not been brilliant though.  Just as things were settling down and I was starting to things might turn out OK too...

Ah well.  

Amongst my big and important missions for the next couple of weeks is finding a "proper" job to occupy me (and pay me!) for the next year. Previous attempts have failed so I'm not particularly optimistic but can't do anything other than try!

Or sit and stare at the rain coming down instead...

15/7/12

My cold is really dragging on now, and my arm is sore.  Feeling more than a tad grumbly, despite munching on B&J's Half Baked (which, by the way, is very yummy!)

I made some friends during my lunch at work today...

Did ride to work and back today (which goes some way to explaining my sore(r than usual) arm.  Kind of annoying 'cos I was almost feeling fast today...

2012 Cycling: 78.11 miles

14/7/12

Everyone enjoying some carnival sunshine...
(really glad the rain stopped for long enough!)

13/7/12

No escaping it...

12/7/12

Busy busy busy.  I might complain but I like it really, no time to over think everything!

Just as well because bad things happen.  All the time.  And there's not much anyone can do about it except try and make the best of the cards they're dealt.

11/7/12

Today was graduation day!

I was terribly un-excited about the whole graduation thing, but I have to say it was a very good feeling walking across the stage to get my certificate!

Despite suffering from "bird flu" which I'm sure has now progressed to consumption, it was a good day.  Quite enjoyed the tradition and ceremony about the whole thing. :)

Although I did fail at speaking to tutors and stuff at the prize giving in the morning, saw lots of academics, some of whom I really should have had a chat with, but only actually spoke to 2!  Never mind, 'tis all over now.  Shan't be back in Nottingham, for the foreseeable future at least!

10/7/12

Despite feeling like death (maybe a slight exaggeration!) and having a pretty sore arm I decided to ride again this afternoon.

Just 2.5 miles but nearly killed me because the main feature of the ride was a climb that I avoided even when I was fit!  Managed to QOM it though :P

Not sure my legs appreciated it, may have a comical walk at tomorrow's graduation (which I'm really not that excited about!)

Also, have started a new hobby.  Maybe.

2012 cycling: 74.11 miles

9/7/12

I seem to have developed bid flu...

Did get out on my bike though.  Legs are still working.  Did just under 5 miles with an average of ~16 mph (not hugely fast I know, but good enough for me!) and got a QOM on Strava!

2012 Cycling miles: 71.61

8/7/12

Aladin's cave, how many wheels can you see?

7/7/12

The plan in action...

Just need a slight improvement in the weather to have a proper test, suspect a few tweaks will be needed but feels promising.  Hopefully will fix my wobbly brain!

I need to do some work but going to watch the tour and have a nap I think...

2012 cycling: 66.91 miles

6/7/12

It rained *all* day.  I spent entirely too long staring out the doors at work, watching the rain come down in an empty car park whilst pondering various things.  

The sun came out for the evening though, made for a nice walk with the hounds.

I have a day off tomorrow, 1st day in ages where I don't really have anywhere to be or anyone to see. Although there is someone I suspect I'll have to make the effort for come the evening otherwise I'm going to feel terribly guilty...

Other than work on Sunday, and a day in tomorrow (lots of work to get done while I've got the chance), I've a master plan to carry out, someone (or possible several people) suggested it before and I don't know why I didn't do it then, but fingers crossed it might mean I can ride a bit more (not that that's wholly appealing in this weather but I think just 1 or 2 half decent rides will go a long way!)

Seem to be slipping back into this blog writing business again, looks like you'll have to suffer my ramblings a bit more often again!

5/7/12

I've been to an open day at Cambridge!

Maybe I should be looking at zoology and not medicine...

4/7/12

A day of mixed emotions today I think.

Very stressed this morning, practise UKCATs suggested I was going to do rather badly, and that would mean no med school for me next September (probably). But I actually did OK.  Slightly more than OK really so I'm really quite relieved, and it's given me a much needed confidence boost (perhaps I might actually be able to do this medicine thing!)

For anyone who's in the know about this sort of thing...here are my scores!

The first one apparently warranted me being called a genius by the examiner chap!

My "elation" has worn off a bit now though and I'm heading back on the road to grumpiness.  I suspect it's because it's now almost a year to do the day since I crashed, I'm just getting fed up with the whole thing now.  I'm fed up of the pain, and the things it stops me doing and the way it makes me feel.  I'm fed up of waiting for things which may or may not help.

On a list of things I want to be able to do again - writing, sleeping, driving and lifting not very heavy things without pain all come pretty high up as they are fairly fundamental but riding my bike is a close contender too.  If if was anything else causing the feelings of frustration I'd be out on my bike, getting some miles in the legs and then I'd feel better.  But now I just get more fed up because I can't do that either.  

Sorry.  I'll stop complaining now.  Shouldn't be grumpy!

3/7/12

I should be practising for my UKCAT which is tomorrow, as I'm entirely not ready and there's a lot riding on it.  But I my head's not there at the moment.  It was bad planning on my part really.

I saw my consultant today (after 7 weeks, with an MRI in the middle), "the good news is the MRI doesn't show any abnormalities with your elbow".  After a bit more prodding he convinced himself again that there is something going on and so my best option would be surgery.  After last time I wasn't wholly happy with this but after a brief chat decided that I agreed with him. He says there's a 50:50 chance of him actually finding (and fixing) something, but if he doesn't find anything the risk of any damage being done is pretty low as long as I can put up with a sore elbow (nothing new there), and bit of stiffness for a while and a friend for my existing scar.

Part of the discussion was anaesthetic, related.  He originally wanted to do it under a general anaesthetic but I wasn't keen on this so have opted for a regional block.  Someone tell me this isn't something I'm going to regret later?! (he seemed surprised, as did the pre-op assessment lady!)

I had kind of seen this coming - the options as I saw them were either the MRI showed something and surgery would fix it, or it showed nothing and it's my nerves and therefore I'm stuffed.  I hadn't really considered this middle of the road option, and even though I thought surgery was a possibility it still took me a back a bit.  I left the consultation room, explained to my grandparents who were accompanying me where I needed to go, and then promptly nearly fell down the stairs because I'd gone all wobbly and my legs were shaking.  

Despite my pulse measuring 90 bpm (it usually sits just under 60!), I passed the pre-anaesthetic checks so am now waiting for a letter in the post as I don't have a surgery date and am on a waiting list of indeterminate length.  Given that it has been almost a year since the crash, and 7 weeks since I first saw my new consultant I really hope I don't have to wait to long.

I'm starting to feel very worn down with it all to be honest.  (As I've said before) I know there are many people worse off than me but there's only so much I can take.  I've not really helped myself because my schedule is a bit full and high pressure at the moment so hopefully I'll feel a bit better once things settle down.  Having been with my grandparents for a couple of hours, once I dropped them off home I had some time to myself.  I stopped on the drive home to get some air, and let things sink in a little bit...

Right.  I'll stop waffling now.  Need to get my head back in the game and get ready for tomorrow.  Slightly panicking because I need a good score on this.

Bring on Saturday.  A day off!

2/7/12

Much needed day including some relaxation today (although not as much as I would like!).

I suspect tomorrow (and the day after) will be tense.  Shall keep you informed with what happens 'cos whatever way it goes it's important!

Here's my 2 boys...not a brilliant picture but never easy to get them to stay still and together!

1/7/12

That's it, over 80 hours working over 9 days done.  Not much of a rest for me now though.  Have my life to sort out this week by the looks of it! Does anyone know a PA that'd work for cake? :-P

Thought it would be appropriate to show the sun setting...