29/3/13

I realise I've been very quiet this month. Mainly because I don't have much to say, and things I do want to say I'm not sure I want to be entirely public!

The first thing to say is something that, whilst it was really disappointing, I don't mind everyone knowing. Despite being almost confident after my interview, I was unsuccessful in getting a place at Warwick Medical School, so that makes 4 rejections out of 4. I'm waiting for feedback as to what I did wrong, I'm waiting for this before I decide exactly what I'm doing next. Many options seem to be floating around and I just don't know!

Suspect you're about due for an arm update too. On the recommendation of the private consultant I saw I have been seeing a physiotherapist again. I'm not sure whether it's that or the increase in medication but my arm does seem to be feeling a little bit better, or at least it hurts slightly less of the time (but gets just as bad when it does). Either way it's positive, even if I forget that when it is hurting! I have been out on my bike a couple of times too, which is always a good sign. Shall keep up the stretches and exercises as physio says perseverance is all I need (although the consensus is still that I probably won't ever be pain free), having a few issues at the moment as some of the exercises (or something I haven't worked out yet) is making my "good elbow" sore. Should probably mention this when I see him again in a couple of weeks...

The other thing that I want to blog about, and in fact have drafted and deleted several times already is a bit more difficult to talk about, and so I'm going to have to keep it quiet for a while longer at least.

No I'm not pregnant, getting married or suffering from a fatal illness! 

5/3/13 - An Encounter of the Patient Kind

As part of an audit I'm involved in at my local hospital I spent yesterday afternoon on the wards collecting data directly from patients.

Got the survey filled out by the first patient without too many issues so I moved on to the next bed with an awake looking person in it. I introduced myself and asked if it was OK if I had a little chat with them  and the relatives. The patient said "Of course it is, but relax - you look frightened to death", this put me at ease so I got started quickly. I'd just started to introduce the formal survey questions when one of the people with the patient said "You do know she's confused don't you?"

Now, the answer to this question was no. I could approach patients based only on how they looked and had no knowledge of any of their medical problems so I was just having to hope I was picking the right people; but wanting to keep their confidence in me I said that I did, and it was OK if she just answered to the best of her ability.

So my second solo interaction with a patient turned out to be my first interaction with someone with Alzheimer's. Initially it was really frustrating, I knew I needed to see lots of people that afternoon so didn't have that much time to spend with each one, but I'd started the survey so I was keen to finish it. Each question I asked resulted in a lot of deviation from the topic, and she often got distracted and started talking to her relatives instead. As we slowly progressed through she started telling me more about her family, and she asked about me and my family too "Do you have a mum?" she said. I could see that this lady was enjoying someone taking the time to talk to her so I carried on, getting survey questions answered when I could but really just giving her someone different to chat to. A couple of times she asked my name because she'd forgotten, the 3rd time we settled on "Rebecca" because if I said "Becky" (which I did twice) she heard "Betty" which she thought was lovely because "that's not a name you hear very often any more". I helped her open her bottle of lemonade, and pour it into a cup because she couldn't manage (I'm sure her relatives would have done it, but I was closer) and we continued talking about her family, and how lovely kids are at age 1, as well as how hard all those poor doctors have to work! We finally reached the end of the survey but I hung around for a bit longer, before I left she asked if I was coming back another time, and if I did could I come back and see her again?  She recognised that if I did she probably wouldn't remember me, but she'd like it anyway. Just as I was leaving her bedside she said she'd quite like to adopt me...

It was definitely a useful experience for me, I left her feeling a bit warm inside, like I'd achieved something (even if it was quite small). I think it was helpful that whilst she was clearly confused, and struggling with memory she was at a stage where, at least for some of the time, she recognised it; she apologised numerous times "I'm sorry, I bet you were hoping not to get with someone like me", each time she did I reassured her that it was fine, and I really was happy to stay and chat!  

It gave me a bit more confidence in my choice to apply for medicine too - I've been open about it being the science that fascinates me, but having experienced the human side of it first hand (I'd previously only been a silent observer!) I feel happier about the patient bit too (which after all is why medicine exists as an "industry").

The next patient I saw could also be described as a challenge, they spoke no English, but had a family member present who could just about act as a translator. I expect this is a situation experienced fairly commonly by doctors on the ward, and as I learnt, isn't always dealt with in the best way...

But that's another story...

21/2/13

I shall revert to tradition and start at the beginning this time!  I had a lovely few days following the interview at Warwick; I know that it could go either way, but at the same time I know I've done everything that I can do so there's no point worrying about it (yet!). It's the first time since well before Christmas that I haven't had an interview to prepare for and it's a nice feeling! Combine that with the few days of sunshine we had and I was bouncing.

It got busy at times at work over the weekend, people making the most of the weather and hiring bikes. Actually enjoyed the weekend (is liking your work allowed?) - bring on the summer! The sunniness continued into Monday and Tuesday, didn't make the most of it on Monday - with an hour on the turbo being my main activity...but I was still feeling good. Getting to the hour mark still feels like an achievement and my legs were feeling good - felt I was pedaling harder, faster and for longer than usual and yet they were fine afterwards. Training paying off then?

Tuesday I ended up going out with Dobby for a couple of hours. So tempting to stay out for longer...such a lovely day!

Had to return home though as I was heading out to see my GP again. She was once again very smiley, whilst this is perhaps a tad irritating I think I like her. She seems quite understanding and like she actually wants to help (which doesn't seem to be a universal trait of GPs). We had a bit of a chat and decided that I should start the medication my consultant had suggested. She said "When you first asked about it, I was reluctant, I thought you were very young to be starting them, but then you showed me your arm and I though 'ah'."

We seemed to decide that the best way to start these would be to stop the previous tablets (which had been helping, especially at night), and then, as protocol dictates, slowly build the new ones up until they become effective, but with the side effects becoming manageable. This does mean for the time being they're not that effective (which is making me a bit grumpy!), and there is probably an element of "withdrawal" from the other ones which won't help matters. Hopefully we're on the right track now and things will settle down...

I'm afraid the "less than happy" shall become the dominating factor now. Saw new consultant yesterday, somehow my notes hadn't made it over the road to the "posh" hospital but I managed to give him all the information he needed and he decided that the notes wouldn't make any difference to his opinion. His opinion was unfortunately, as expected, that there isn't any magic treatment or test and there isn't anything more to be done for me. He did say that he couldn't even be 100% sure that it was nerve damage, and that it might be something subtle going on with a tendon/muscle so has given me the name of a physiotherapist who I hope to see soon, just in case he can help me. This does raise a couple of issues, at least when they were confident of nerve damage whilst a lot of activities were more than a little uncomfortable they probably weren't doing any damage, if it's a tendon/muscle thing then there's a good chance that they are...but we'll just have to see how it goes!

Generally looks like the outlook is poor though. A combination of this news, and the effects of painkiller swapping mean I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Despite my efforts it took me until around 2am to finally drift off after much tossing, turning and contemplating. Some of the things that came to mind were quite worrying, especially in the detail that they came with.

I'm sure everything will settle back down soon, it just might take a couple of days. After all, nothing has *really* changed has it? There's a lot of people out there with far bigger problems that just get on with things without complaining, whilst I may complain a bit "getting on with things" is exactly what I intend to do. Just allow me a bit of wallowing first?

Plans for the day include the purchase of special offer Easter eggs to cheer me up. And possibly socks too if I can find anything appropriate. Definitely let down by the lucky socks yesterday. Some sort of run/bike activity will also be required...got to see how the legs fair with 3 sessions in a week! 

12/2/13

Suppose I'm about due a blog post!

Thankfully there haven't been any more big disasters since the last post, although there still seems to have been a disproportionate amount of grumpiness, but I shan't hold that against the world!

I'll start at the end, rather than the beginning, because that's the best "news" I suppose. I had my interview at Warwick today. Can't go into the specifics 'cos they frown upon that, and besides I wouldn't want to give any hints to the competition that are still to be interviewed! I came away from it feeling like I'd given them my best, and with a ~3:1 ratio of interviewees to places I think I've at least got a chance (compared to King's College where I knew I'd not done brilliants in the interview and the ratio was closer to 6:1). The environment was a lot more relaxed than at King's, and I almost enjoyed certain parts of the selection process which can't be a bad thing. I'd never seen that part of the campus before either, I was impressed!  Much better than the bits I remember seeing when I was looking there a few years ago for chemistry! I have no idea if I did well enough to get in or not, but I came out of it knowing I'd given it my best shot and I don't think there's anything I'd have done differently... and now we wait!  Decision expected mid-March!

Much of my recent grumpiness has been due to catching the lurgy. I spent much of last week in bed, when I wasn't asleep I was watching DVDs because getting up made my head hurt to much, and made me feel like I was going to fall over. Thankfully I am now feeling much better (although I'm still not 100%). 

The rest of my grumpiness has been, as usual, arm related. I'm seeing a new consultant next week (the one I mentioned being referred to in my last post, 'cept I'm paying to see him so I don't have to wait 2 more months!), I'm trying to keep in mind that there probably isn't anything he can do, and even if there is I'm probably not going to like it very much. Despite that I have some kind of strange optimism going on that everything *will* be fine and dandy. 

In the mean time it was deemed best that I began working out a pain management plan with "my" GP. I can see where's she was coming from but she has opted to pretty much ignore the request of my consultant and follow another avenue instead. 2 weeks on I don't think this particular avenue has agreed with me very much!  Even what it considered a fairly high dose doesn't help me as much as I'd like and it added to me lurgy woes by making me more than a little bit groggy, and I'm fairly certain it's been responsible for most of the headachey-ness! With this in hand I decided to continue taking my GP's advice "come back in 2 weeks if you're not getting on with them...". She's on holiday this week!

I shall have to self medicate with pancakes instead.

I should probably try and end on something positive. TV has been cheering me up.  If you haven't watched the program about the bionic man yet, you definitely should (http://www.channel4.com/programmes/how-to-build-a-bionic-man/4od). Penguins have been on the tele too - that's always good! 

Aaaaand finally...

Nothing like a nice sunset view!