I was doing so well yesterday, until about a quarter to ten. Then I had a little craziness explosion. Responses to this were varied, and interesting to analyse the morning after. Perhaps the one person who I was expecting the most support from was dismissive, so I retreated to my bed and thankfully twitter came to the rescue. It's amazing what a virtual hug and some kind words can do. If you were one of the twitter folk that was there, it was greatly appreciated; I'll try not to do it again...
So what am I doing, the day after, to make everything better? I was told last night that it's OK to be sad and that it's still early days. Both true, but I'm not one to sit and mope if it can be avoided and without clearing a few things up, that's what'd happen if I do nothing but wait until it's no longer early days.
Some thinking I did while I was trying and failing to get to sleep last night, the rest when I walked "the long way home" from the shop.
(this makes home look far away given that the church you can see is my village)
(the gate was open...very inviting)
The pressure I've put on myself isn't going anywhere anytime soon and nor is the amount I've got depending on the outcome. What I can do, or at least try to do, is accept that other than following any instructions there isn't anything I can do to change it, and therefore there's no point in dwelling on it...so we're back to whatever will be will be. (none of this helped by the fact I keep wondering if I actually want one of the big things that's depending on it...)
I've just got to be patient *sigh* and go with the flow. Easier said than done I know, especially when I'm saying it now but will have to implement it when I'm far more tired and grumpy.
That was all a bit heavy and I want to end on something a bit lighter. Mainly the fact I'm a muppet. I began listening to my audiobook today - I'd transferred it onto my phone to make it more convenient than the having 12 CDs. So I set it playing, after about 20 minutes I had no idea what was going on. I've read books by this author before, and didn't think it was in his usual flowing style, but it's going to be different listening rather than reading. I decided that maybe I'd just been dozing and I needed to skip back a track to catch up. I then realised I had it set to shuffle. So I'd actually been listening to consecutive random extracts from the book! So I went back to the beginning and started again.
It made a lot more sense after that. Although it's still a very different experience, it conjures up different images - especially with the chap reading it doing all the voices!
Now is the time to doze in front of a film. Being too tired clearly isn't doing me any good, and I'm sore now. Managed a couple of these paragraphs with 2 hands... (only a couple, I'm trying to be careful!).